I am completely hopeless at making decisions, even if they’re not important. I analyse, and analyse again, going over all the potential repercussions in my head over and over again. If we’re booking a holiday I worry about what will happen if the plane crashes, what if someone gets sick, where is easiest to get us home from. If the kids miss school, what will they miss, what will I miss. Generally I can push my worries to one side, and just get on with things, but I’m much better spur of the moment, when there isn’t time to consider potential effects of a choice.
Most recently I had to decide whether to start Little H on full or half days at school, which isn’t important in the grand scheme of things, but has meant 6 weeks of her and just one other child in her class doing half days. I have known in my heart that she wasn’t ready for full days, that despite her boundless enthusiasm for all things school and learning related starting off on full days would be too much. There was a point where I almost tried to delay her starting completely, common sense eventually prevailed and I am hugely comforted by the fact that she has wonderful, caring teachers and a lovely class.
Yet, despite all that, I have still questioned my decision, in the beginning I was worried she wouldn’t make friends, that she’d fall behind with her learning, that she wouldn’t feel like a proper part of the class. I was prepared for weeks of her asking to stay for lunch, but as always in these situations my brave tiny little girl has surprised me. She is very happy to go to school, almost unable to contain her excitement of finding out what’s on the ‘making table’ that day, but equally is happy to come home and have lunch with me and I am delighted to have my little buddy back, she is such great company, chatting about her day, her friends and what she wants to do in the afternoon. As the week goes on I can see her getting a bit more tired, a little more grumpy, and I’m grateful for this slow start we’ve been given.
There have been a few repercussions from my perspective, I’ve had to move my Open University exam which came with a significant financial cost, and am currently sat in the messiest house you can imagine, but it’s all worth it to see that little smiling face run over to me at lunchtime for a hug.