“It takes a village”
It’s a phrase that people throw around a lot in the parenting sphere, and for all intents and purposes, it does take a village to raise children, even if there are only a few residents of said village.
Photo by Berendey_Ivanov / Andrey_Kobysnyn
But the phrase harks back to simpler times when people lived in communities with family close by who all chipped in and helped each other out. Times have changed, and while the “village” concept is a lovely idea, it’s not always attainable for everyone, and when it does occur, it looks all too different from when the phrase originated.
One study found that 82% of respondents reported they experienced feelings of isolation in the first 5 years of their child’s life. This is a significant number of people who need a lifeline that isn’t always easy to find.
But that sense of isolation doesn’t need to be permanent. The modern “village” looks different, but it still exists in many forms. It’s a mix of local support, small conversations in unexpected places, and, of course, digitally.
It takes work, but you can build your very own village that supports you right through parenthood, especially those lonely 3 am feeds when the rest of the world is sleeping away.
Start With What’s Close
Sometimes you can find your village by looking at what is physically nearby. Many new parents skip over local services or don’t realise they exist or that they can use them, and this is a shame because they’re missing out.
Finding places like children’s centres, playgroups, baby music classes, or postnatal groups run by the NHS or the local council is a great place to start. The activity or the reason for the group doesn’t matter, you’re joining for the people, not for what is on offer – that’s a bonus.
Libraries are another lifeline, albeit a quieter one. Many UK libraries host informal parent mornings or story sessions where the same faces appear each week, and this repetition is what helps build connections. You don’t need to be best friends in a day- you just need to keep showing up.
Hidden Local Networks
These might be a little trickier to find, but they will be there somewhere. Start with community noticeboards in health centres, the library or your doctor’s surgery. Facebook groups for local areas can be a great source of information, as can your local NCT branch.
There might be a local breastfeeding support circle, a weekend dads meetup, a walk and talk or even a “buggy fit” class you can join.
These might feel like small things, but over time, with regular attendance, you can build up some great connections and slowly start to put your village together or become part of someone else’s.
Many towns now run Family Hubs, which are community-based centres that provide integrated support networks for children, young adults and their families, from pregnancy and beyond. They are available for help or a wide range of services and are an easy way to get connected either with other parents or to access things like parenting classes, education guidance or mental health services, for example.
Online Parenting Blogs and Communities
The online parenting blogger world is thriving right now, and many blogs have spawned groups and support circles, and people have made genuine connections and friendships by connecting with other parenting bloggers or as followers of a certain blogger.
And for all the flaws the internet has, one thing you can’t fault is the support other parents give you online when you all find yourself fighting that dreaded sleep regression stage at 2 am. They’ll be the ones there for you to offload to when you need it the most.
Sites like Maisy and Dadda reflect that reality – down-to-earth spaces where parenting feels human, it shows the flaws alongside the highlights, and it’s inclusive – everyone is welcome. Reading or joining in with a discussion can help you feel a part of something – connected to others going through the same thing as you.
A lot of parents, especially first-time parents, build friendships online before going on to meet up – messaging groups turn into real-life friendships, meet-ups and babysitting swaps if you’re local enough. It’s the digital version of the village; the same thing, it just looks different.
Community Hubs
You can find community hubs both in person and online. It might be you head to your local faith centre for connections, or gyms or leisure centres. You don’t even have to be religious or sporty to benefit from groups and resources outside of prayer sessions or workout times.
Many run open coffee mornings, family swims or toddler play hours where anyone can turn up and parents can mix.
Community cafes are another great spot to keep an eye out for. Look for “baby friendly” or “buggy cafes”. You’ll notice the same faces appearing again and again, and before you know it, you have your own little community. A smile, a hello, joining each other and saving spaces on tables, a moan about that dropped nap time. That’s how it starts.
You might find that volunteering gives you what you need. Helping at local baby groups or library events can give you purpose and a reason to turn up. And when you’re helping others who feel the same as you, suddenly you find you’re not as alone as you feel you are.
Join Skill Swap or Mutual Support Circles
This might sound a bit far-fetched, but it works. Finding local clubs in your area that are aimed at helping each other can work for you. You are simply trading what you know and the skills you have with others. It might be that you bake and can help another parent out by baking them a birthday cake for their children. At the same time, they can help you out by offering items they no longer need so you can use them. The exact things you can “swap” will depend on the group, rules and what you need. But it can be worth investigating if your local area has such a thing.
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