I can’t quite believe I’m 40. It really doesn’t seem that long since my University days, or when I started my graduate job and I REALLY can’t believe I am a parent to an almost 13 year old. I sort of thought my kids would be small forever. When they started school the end of 7 years of Primary felt like a lifetime away, then before I knew it I was turning 40 and wondering what on earth I did with those 20 years.
I really didn’t mind turning 30. The end of my twenties wasn’t such a big thing. I had two small children, our careers were just picking up, it was an exciting and busy time. I didn’t have many expectation of what I should have achieved by 30.
Forty for me felt different. I feel like I should’ve achieved more, should’ve travelled more, paid more off the house, saved more, spent more quality time with the kids. Then someone reminded me that I’ve had four children and written some books, which made me a feel a little better 🙂
Years ago a friend told me that when you reach 40 you don’t care what people think of you quite so much any more. I wouldn’t say I feel quite like that. I’m still quite an over thinker, but I am more confident that it’s ok to think and feel differently to other people. Whereas in my younger days I wanted to be in the centre of everything. Now I’m happy to take a step back and say ‘I don’t want to do that, but you go ahead’. Does that make sense? I definitely don’t want to be in the middle of everything these days either. In fact I was most upset at being thrown a surprise party, it’s just not me at all.
Mostly I’m just quite tired. Four children is pretty exhausting most of the time and I haven’t been good at making time for myself ( there is no time ) but I don’t think that will change anytime soon. I’ve been pretty much all consumed by the children for the last 13 years. Three close together was brilliant fun, but hard work and now we have three busy older children and an energetic toddler too. Life is insanely busy, but I wouldn’t change anything, apart from perhaps planning more of our future earlier. We spent a lot of our early years paying back student loans, then the kids are just expensive so it’s pretty hard to save.
What do I want to achieve next? I’d like to get my fitness levels up again, but time is my biggest problem there. I probably should’ve asked for gym membership for my birthday. I’d love to learn to draw and sew and have a new business and book launching soon too!
How did you feel at your last big birthday?