Routines are magical life systems that productivity gurus swear will fix everything if you just wake up early and drink lemon water. Meanwhile you’re over here struggling to brush your teeth at the same time every day and wondering what’s wrong with you.
Spoiler alert, it’s probably absolutely nothing. Many people struggle with routines not because they’re lazy or unmotivated, but because their brains don’t play nicely with rigid systems. If you’ve ever gone down the late night rabbit hole reading about mental illness, or even stumbled across lists with signs of autism in adults, you might have noticed how different routines come up in confusing and contradictory ways. Loved by some, hated by others. Easy in theory, chaotic in practice. Here’s why routines can be so hard.
Photo by Andrew Neel
The thing to remember is that routines require quiet consistency, and consistency requires energy. And if your brain already works overtime processing information, emotions, sensory input, and the world around you, there’s not much fuel left for doing things the right way every single day. Some days you can follow a routine perfectly, and other days the idea of repeating yesterday feels unbearable for no logical reason. This inconsistency can feel frustrating and guilt inducing.
Routines also often fail because they’re built for fantasy versions of ourselves. The version who sleeps well and wakes up happy doesn’t get derailed by one unexpected email. Real life is, however, messy. One small disruption can knock the whole routine over like a line of dominoes, and suddenly it feels easier to abandon it entirely than try to fix it. There’s also a lot of pressure on routines. Once something becomes a routine, it can stop feeling supportive and start feeling demanding. You’re no longer choosing to do the thing – you’re supposed to do it. This is a subtle shift that can trigger resistance and anxiety. Yes, even folding laundry feels preferable at that moment, and no one enjoys that.
There’s also the issue of sensory and emotional states changing day-to-day. A routine that works when your car may feel impossible. When you’re overwhelmed, tired, or oversimulated. Instead of adjusting, we tend to judge ourselves, and we assume that the failure is personal rather than situational. It’s not; it’s context. Understanding that gentler systems and flexible routines are important, you should be thinking of routines as guidelines, not rules carved into stone tablets. It’s OK to have versions, an ideal day routine, and a bare minimum survival routine, because both still count. You can also anchor your habits and tie one small action to something you already do, instead of building an entire schedule from scratch.
Most importantly, you need to drop the shame. Struggling with routines doesn’t mean that you’re failing at being an adult, it means that your brain has preferences and they deserve to be worked with rather than bullied. You don’t have to have perfect routines, you just need ones that bend when you do.
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