Before I had children I didn’t really contemplate not working, I always thought I’d return in some capacity to my job, not going back didn’t cross my mind, although the fact that I was already well into my second pregnancy on return probably affected that decision. I do remember being absolutely heartbroken when leaving my baby boy at nursery for the first time. During his settling in period I’d leave him there for the shortest possible period of time, whereas now I’m more of the opinion I’ve paid for it, therefore H will be there.
After S was born, again I don’t remember not wanting to go back to work, in fact I remember feeling like it would be easier this time round as I’d actually have time to settle back in properly. Of course that feeling didn’t last long as our surprise little H was born less then 2 years after her sister and then the question of me returning to work was indeed a question. Paying for childcare for three just wasn’t worth the nursery fees and time away from the kids.
Since then I’ve found a happy medium of studying and working from home around the children, which means I can be there for school runs, help out occasionally and still feel like I have a little bit of a life of my own. Mostly it works well, occasionally it’s stressful and probably more often than I’d like I have to say “Can you please just play for 10 minutes while Mummy does some work?”
For the first time ever last week Z hit me with ‘You’re always working‘. I have to admit that comment hit me hard, I thought I was doing the best for for everyone, but maybe I’m not…….
Rather more innocently later that week during dinner S said,
“When I have children I’m never going to work, I’ll play with them ALL day long, except when they want toys, then I’ll work for a day”
Clearly she thinks I work only for toys!
Do you work? Does it fit in well with family life?
Wot So funee is over on Little Lily Pad today, so go an link up your funee for the week.
I heard my eldest telling my toddler that mummy has to go to work to pay for the fun stuff!!
(I was unaware that the bills were fun!!)
Thanks for linking up with Wot So funee this week x
Oh dear. They do come out with things that can hurt.
I work full time, but the OH farms so works 7 days a week. To N though, his dad’s working is fun because he can go and help (meltdown if it’s dangerous jobs and he can’t, and this weekend we had tears because he wanted to go on the farm, instead of coming out to exciting places with me. I wouldn’t mind so much, but when they’re on the farm, I’m bored stiff at home (well, blogging really, although I’m sure the OH expects me to be doing housework). I want to take him out to family places/visits – he can go on the farm any time.
He does sometimes moan about going to nursery, but not about me working usually, it’s down to wanting to go with his dad.
Oh heck I hear you. I remember screaming at my mum when I was seven that I would never decline my future children’s requests for sweets or ice cream. EVER.
Please don’t take these sorts of things to heart. You are doing the best for your children and are there for them.
I feel equally guilty sometimes but know that I cant do things any other way.
My son thinks I work for holidays…and if I do ten ‘works’ we can have ten holidays. Ahem. I think there is never really a perfect balance but I really struggle to work from home unless the kids are in bed. I think perhaps as they get bigger it will get easier. Hope so anyway. But Tanya is right. We are all doing our best in the ways that we can.
Oh it is always a tricky balance, like you (though to a lesser extent no doubt) I try to squeeze in some work at home, but as Syd is only at pre-school 4 hours a week inevitably some of that work is when he is at home, and it can be tricky persuading him to let me have half an hour to get on with something. Of course what he doesnt realise is the alternative to me doing what I can from home is me working full time, which would see us very little better off by the time I have paid child care for two, and see him in full time nursery, so it is a good pay off really!
I would work (and have) worked for toys!
I work from home but according to my seven year old, when I drop them off at school I go home for a rest and to drink coffee!
Ha ha, that does sound like a good plan. xx
I stayed at home for 8 years while my boys were small. When youngest started primary school I went back to work part-time. I took a full-time job in January – but found I hated being away from them so much. So I’ve quit and start back at my old part-time job next week. I’ve realised that “having it all” is impossible. I missed working when I was at home (felt my brain turned to mush) but missed the boys terribly when I returned to work. Aarrrgghhhh!
That must have been so hard to hear that…. and as Mums we try to do the very best we can, and play and entertain as much as possible, sometimes it isn’t possible at all…. but one day they will look back and admire you for the role model you were/are. No matter what you do you’re generally onto a hiding as a parent! Great post.
You are doing the best you can for your children Emma, and deep down although it pulls at the heart strings when they say things like that at least you there. I feel your guilt though as I often say to Mads to let me do some work for ten minutes. However I know that it’s best for our family and for me, I love working freelance and although I work harder now than I did when I was just working part time for my old company- it means I feel I get the best of both worlds. x
🙁 Finding a balance is hard. To them even a short amount of time probably seems aaaages. The fact you were upset by it means you are a fab mum and they will grow up knowing you did your best for them. Especially if work = toys 😉
Oh goodness, it’s so hard to find the right balance isn’t it? You are doing a brilliant job though, and I’m sure it won’t be too many more years until they’re a bit more understanding. xxx
I don’t think there is a balance. They say things like that even if it’s not true. I just wish there was more time in the day.
Aw, it’s so hard to know what to do. I worked half-time for 11 months between the boys (they are 21 months apart) but then it was financially silly for me to go back after our 2nd was born, we would’ve lost money, so I’m now a SAHM and I like it. I’ve recently set up a small WAHM sewing business to work around nap times and when my husband can look after the boys, which is working well so far.
I am not sure you can ever get the balance right, sometimes I think I am doing too much work, sometimes not enough, other times I worry that my house is a bit messy, or dinner might be late – its all a balancing act and inevitably I always feel I am failing in one area or another. I love the black and white way children see things though!